“Here’s your permission slip to try something that might not work.”

Jenna‘s note was precisely what I needed to hear as we started our retreat in Ojai last week.

So much of my time is usually spent planning, perfecting and crossing off tasks from a never-ending to-do list.

What happens when we allow ourselves the time to wander and wonder? To create without the expectation of a finished project worthy of being hung on a wall?

I’ve been experimenting with imperfection lately through the use of this “disposable lens” on my professional Canon camera. Sometimes the photos have an unusual pink vignette. They’re often slightly soft or blurry, especially around the distorted edges. The aperture is fixed at f11, so there’s not much depth of field. It’s pretty much the total opposite of my usual style.

It is not lost on me how ridiculous it is to put a cheap plastic lens on a $4,000 camera with hundreds of autofocus points. But here were are, in the name of getting outside of our comfort zone.

Our painting workshop with Mary Neville sparked similar feelings of discomfort. Layering pages from magazines and other ephemera upon a canvas, only to sand them off and paint over them, challenged my tendencies to get attached to the work too quickly.

From the start, I was more concerned with the outcome than the process. It was so hard to let go of the vision and just allow myself to create. Mary warned us about this… “Date your design,” she said. “Don’t marry it.”

Making pottery was another humbling experience. I’ve tried it once before, producing various ashtray-adjacent pieces. This time, I wanted to make a vase. I was open to the idea of it not working out, but the instructors at Firestick Pottery make it look so easy. After a couple of tries (ashtrays), I made a vase. I definitely had some help along the way. Asking for help is my new favorite hobby. That, and not giving up.

Jenna! Thank you for bringing this trip to life and encouraging us to slow down and let go.

Here are some favorite snaps, taken with my dispo lens of course.